Why the Good Mood?

Can’t describe how I feel so…. at peace. A great elation fills my heart, I feel like writing, like drawing, like living. So few words enter my mind that can adequately express what I am at this very moment experiencing. I imagine a lover’s kiss, taste, and touch. How am I to live up to my own expectations, but right now I feel that I am. Deeply satisfied with my own choices, my own life, life in general is better than it was just moments ago. Writing to fulfill my great need to express, to show just how great everything is, so comfortable, so joyous. So much to say, and lacking the talent to do so, but try as I might to feel whole. No emptiness, no need, just satisfaction. Satisfaction. Still, my wish is to share, and feel for someone, someone who can take part in this great joy that is life. Feeling so poetic, rather mushy, but who cares, too much is based on impressing others. I only need to impress myself, and support those who are close to me. Coming to terms with my own indecisions and mistakes, there are many, only hope no one was hurt along the way. What I say and do and feel are so sporadic and unintended at times, can’t always explain how or why I feel, why I cry all of sudden for no reason. Then my sadness is overcome with a flash of anger, but soon I laugh at myself and all is as it was before. All these things, with few ever knowing, truly realizing who I really am, what I really feel. The pressures of life have faded to the background; focus is more on the moment, on me, what I need. Selfish, but understandable, take care of oneself so that I may help take care of others. Not dependent on anyone at the moment, only my spirit, but still longing to share; share with an old friend, a new companion, with a true love. I feel my heart pouring itself out, but with love, caring, wish I could express these things without feeling ashamed, without feeling silly. But I am silly, why stop with cynical remarks and sarcastic comments, should tell more people how much they mean to me, how I care for them, love them, and enjoy them for being themselves, no masks. How incredible an idea, no masks, so much heartache and pain would be resolved if no one wore masks. Time to put my mask back on. At peace.